Identifying Verbal Abuse

The workbook for “But Words Will Never Hurt Me: A Story of Overcoming Abuse” is all about helping people discover and then process abuse in their own lives. I was talking with some college students the other day who are concerned for a friend. It appears the abuser in this situation is a parent. What’s the problem? The victim has zero clue that the parent is abusive. However, everyone else around does!

Another student was telling me about a required class (for her major) that included the various types of verbal abuse and emotional abuse. It was during this class that she realized why everything in her own relationship was going haywire. She said to me, “It all of a sudden made sense! My boyfriend was being verbally abusive!” It was the class that allowed her to see the abuse in her own situation. Once she realized what was going on, she could then deal with the problem, which she promptly did.

Do you know anyone in an abusive relationship that has no clue it’s abusive? Because this does appear to be a problem in our society today, my goal is to help people see it for themselves. Pointing it out isn’t always the best thing and often has adverse affects. It’s possible that by reading the book “But Words Will Never Hurt Me: A Story of Overcoming Abuse,” someone you know might recognize abuse in his/her own life. A quote from the workbook gives readers a clue on the process:

“My method of teaching is to help the learners “discover” the answers on their own.  If I give you the answers, you won’t process the information and take ownership of your answers.  Taking ownership makes it personal.  In the questions I ask in each chapter, I don’t tell you who is engaging in abusive behavior.  In order for you to learn the difference, it’s important for you to determine on your own what YOU see and feel. 

I deliberately question some of my own behaviors for the purpose of encouraging the reader to think.  I question it now, just as I did at the time it happened, although now I actually know the answers.  I believe this is why groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous are helpful.  These groups support each member in their self-discovery process.  They learn to OWN their behavior and then deal with it.  It’s no different with abuse.  You need to understand abuse, see how it affects you, and then work through it.”

To order “But Words Will Never Hurt Me: A Story of Overcoming Abuse,” CLICK HERE.

But Words Will Never Hurt Me

Watching Our Words

The workbook to “But Words Will Never Hurt Me: A Story of Overcoming Abuse” just became available on Kindle! Today’s excerpt is about what comes out of our mouths. What we say, really does matter. Of course, that’s what verbal is abuse is all about. So, why wouldn’t we, too, think about how we “flap our lips” when speaking? As my dad used to say, “Make sure your brain is engaged before putting your mouth in gear.” For years (more than likely), you watched your abuser berate you with words. You know the effects of that so it’s even more important to not let that abusive behavior control you, too.

This excerpt is taken from the end of the book after readers have gone through each of the chapters and found situations of abuse from their own relationships. These pointers are meant to be helpful when processing through the abuse.

Watch your words. This may sound very crazy and you’re probably wondering why I’m evening mentioning it. Although I don’t have the details at the tip of my tongue or brain, I’ve been paying attention to some research studies that show when people say positive stuff, their bodies (at the cellular level) have a positive physical reaction that can be seen under a microscope.

You’ve heard of people who are negative all the time? Think about their lives. Most are sick, depressed, have nothing to live for, and don’t physically look well. Again, I think some research studies are showing the physical effects that words have on our bodies.

With that, we are all human and will be negative. It’s when you continually dwell on and speak out those negative things that it eventually takes over your thoughts. This doesn’t seem very productive for someone who wants to “overcome” an abusive relationship.

Get this book on Amazon.com format by CLICKING HERE.

But Words Will Never Hurt Me: Workbook