For many people in abusive relationships, they often don’t know where to go or who is “safe” to talk with. When the victim does talk with people, how is he/she going to know if that person will believe him/her? What if they get the usual “you’re being too sensitive” or “did you say something to make them angry?” First of all, “making” someone angry is a total misnomer; it’s a choice. So, you can’t “make” someone angry. You can’t “own” someone else’s anger. All you can take responsibility for is your own behavior. There’s more on this subject in the articles within this website. Feel free to check them out.
When someone doesn’t validate your feelings, it’s a little tough to trust others with your deepest concerns. For those in abusive situations, they rarely talk to others about what’s going on behind closed doors mostly out of fear. Everyone needs some outlet and will eventually seek out sources that could help them figure out how to fix their “problem.” Once something makes sense to them, they want more information and someone to validate what they’re going through. That’s why we have so many people seeking out counselors and life coaches today.
I have personally walked in the place of people judging me, criticizing me, telling me that I was being too sensitive, and then telling me to drop it. People are going to be mean so you just need to put your big girl panties on and learn to deal with it. Well, in a marriage, it doesn’t quite work that way because if the abusive partner is always getting the upper hand, then you’ve just become his/her doormat. It took a domestic violence counselor a year to get me to realize that I indeed was in a verbally abusive marriage. But, at that time, not as much was available about verbal and emotional abuse. So, it took a little longer for me to “get it.” Notice here that it took me “talking it out” with others to get to the realization of what was causing the problems.
Since 2009, I’ve had many people writing simply wanting someone to listen to them. When they feel validated, they can then tell more of their stories. It’s like “Wow, someone is actually listening to me!” That gives them the empowerment to move forward. The main reason for the new forum? It’s to give people a platform to discuss their situations with others who have been there or who are currently in a similar place. The format of the forum allows for these discussions to take place in privacy (with an upgraded membership).
If you’re reading this and know someone who might benefit from a forum of this nature, please e-mail them the link to this page. I would NOT recommend posting in on their Facebook page because their abuser might see it and question the reason. However, I would ask that you share this on your social media outlets so people are aware of these services.